I have been asking God what he wants me to do next and funny thing is, He REMINDED me that He asked me to start a blog three years ago. I didn’t of course because everyone has a blog, what good will it do anyone, I don’t like writing, I’m not very good at it and so on and so on. But last week, I was reminded again and I was given great insight from an amazing woman, Monica Prescott, to do that “thing” that we are called to do even if we are not prepared, He will equip us along the way. So I did the first thing one does before they do the “thing”, I wrote it on my to do list. And there it sat for 7 days. I was just waiting for some free time, for something exciting to write about, some great revelation to give the world and so it sat, undone on my to do list.
Until this morning, when things didn’t turn out the way I planned and I ended up having something to share, something to think about and the time to put it together. It didn’t happen the way I wanted but I have realized when things go smoothly, there is not much to share.
It was a beautiful morning, sun streamed in through the curtains, birds chirped and my precious son smiled at me. “Oh buddy it’s too early to get up” I whispered as I checked my watch, 6:28 am to be exact. I could smell he needed to be changed, phew, there was still a good chance I could enjoy another two hours of sleep. I was thankful my little guy goes back to sleep easy peasy with a fresh diaper.
I reached around for a clean diaper and the pack of wipes… shoot I was out of wipes. I headed straight to the bathroom as stealth as possible for those handy Kando toilet wipes. It was a success, the four and six year old didn’t notice, although they often sleep with one eye open. Slightly annoyed at having to actually get OUT of bed, I seated myself in proper cris-cross apple sauce style and prepared for a lightening speed diaper change. Diaper off. Check. Poop. Check. I pulled out the first wipe and realized how much smaller they were than regular wipes. I wasn’t sure at this point if my tested veteran mom wiping technique (TVMWT) would work as well. Nope I needed back up…AH they were stuck! My wiggly six month old was attempting his escape, I fumbled with the wipes for the next twenty seconds and then came the sound no parent wants to hear when their kid is bare bumming it. Gghugh. I panicked. Next thing I knew a mustard torpedo shot out from between his cute little cheeks and I had lost that round. Eighteen inches of digested breast milk and sweet potato crossed my bed. Not only had my very expensive sheets felt the blow but my white duvet cover, my pajama pants and my toes. Gross. Poop between my toes at 6:30am.
Okay now I was more than slightly annoyed, I was angry! I picked up my baby, hands covered in poop and shimmied off my bed from cross legged position with toes and pants also covered in poop. Looking back, if I had slowed down and just grabbed a few more wipes to clean myself up first it could have gone much smoother, but then again I wasn’t sure when the next mustard torpedo was ready to fire. I “heeled” (like the opposite of tip toed) to the bathroom as ninja as possible to avoid waking the first and second born. Thankfully our bathroom, our ONLY bathroom is directly across the hall from them. Very gently, and with great care to be silent, I laid my son down on the bath mat, I popped up to grab a face cloth and I saw a beautiful six year old face smiling at me over the top rail of he bunk-bed, “Happy Mother’s Day Mom”. “Oh Jewel go back to bed it’s only 6:30am (as if she knows how early that feels for me)”. Am I glad my first response to this sweet child was annoyance, no I wish I had already been laughing about the whole ordeal.
I finished cleaning up the baby, took off my pants, wiped out my toes and then headed back to my room to strip the bed. We had been awake now for 30 minutes to get everything sorted out so there was no going back to sleep. My dreams of a Mother’s Day Sleep-in were dashed and I needed to figure out how to spend the rest of my morning. And then I remembered I was supposed to start a blog, well if there was ever a good time, first thing in the morning while you want to be sleeping seemed like a good idea.
Turns out writing requires you to stop and think about things in more detail.
As I was writing my morning adventure out I started to wonder what was making me so angry. Was it that he pooped on my really expensive sheets (what mother in her right mind uses expensive sheets when she has three small kids) or that I had washed these same sheets two nights prior after a mass puking incident or was it that I didn’t get to have my desired sleep-in on Mother’s Day, a sleep-in I should have been entitled to. The truth is I felt guilty for for being angry. I felt guilty that I was angry for having to do my job, for having to do what I always dreamed of doing, being a mom.
I am a richly blessed woman, I have three vibrant and healthy children. I know at least a dozen women that are struggling for different reasons today, Mother’s Day is hard. It is hard when your heart’s desire is for children and it hasn’t happened yet, or it has and you didn’t get to hold them or you did and it was such a short time and now they are with Jesus. I know they would gladly trade places with me and take 15 minutes of inconvenience and lost sleep over the countless moments of heart ache. So in that moment I chose thankfulness instead, I chose to pray for those that are hurting and I choose to make the most of the following fourteen hours with my precious littles.
Today ended up being an amazing day. I am glad I didn’t choose to let the inconvenience of one moment spill into the last fourteen hours of fabulous moments.
So I guess perhaps having to write about my life is really for me, to help me navigate why I feel a certain way and then choose wisely how to respond. I guess writing helps me gain perspective and perfect lives don’t make for very interesting topics. I hope next time I don’t have my writing “moment” at 6:30 am, but then again where would I find the time if I was always up at 9 am 😉